I've been thinking a lot about all the things in life we take for granted a lot lately. It's something that everyone does, whether we admit it ot ourselves or not really. It's par for the course, nothing we do intentionally. It just happens really. And then one day, something happens or someone comes along, and we wonder what the hell we've been thinking all this time.

I'm kind of in a place like that right now. There is so much of my life that I have taken for granted. So many blessings that I have overlooked or just plain neglected to see. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself and giving into my depressed "funks," that I know I have missed out on some wonderful experiences and people. But like I mentioned earlier, we can't go back and change anything- so we have to accept it, learn from it and hope to change what needs to be changed.

I have been doing that a lot lately. Accepting things. I have been working on my 'tude, my outlook on life and learning to deal with me as a person. And not just some nobody who isn't good enough or pretty enough or desirable. In fact, I can now see that I am all of those things and so much, much more! And that I have been all this time. I was just blinded to it.

I spent a good hour this morning staring at my "new" body in the mirror before my shower. I traced my scar with my finger up and down. I touched the scar from where my JP drain was inserted into my body. I rubbed my stomach where one taut rolls upon rolls used to exist but now lay sagging, wrinkled flesh since that fat mass is fastly fading. I watched my new "wings" flap that have formed just under my arms, rubbed the wrinkles where my thighs used to rub together. And I toyed with my feet for a short while. Touching my toes and rubbing the ankles that until recently, I couldn't even see- let alone bend over and touch them.

This morning, I fell in love with my own body. The sagging, wrinkling mass that is now me. 106 pounds lighter now after my surgery, 106 pounds happier...

I don't regret being obese. Not for a split second. For my whole life until now, that was who I was. An obese woman with a story. A woman who hid behind her fat like a shield in some sort of war. I truly belive that because of that weight, I saw the world and all in it for what it was and who they were. I got to see first hand every aspect of life and the society that dominates it. And because of that, I now feel as though I have the upper hand.

I know that even though I am changing, both physically and mentally- the world and society are not. People are still cruel at times. People are still and probably always will be ignorant to the feelings of others. And the world still won't stop turning just because one of it's people is having a bad day.

But like I said, I am changing. I am learning to deal with the less than pleasing aspects of life, one small battle at a time. It just took a medical miracle, a few strong people in my life, a fleet of angels and one hell of a proverbial kick in the ass to get me to this point. And although I can't change the world or the people in it- I can make a difference through me. I can open up my life to those around me. I can let them in on the joys and the heart aches that are my life. I can let them see first hand what it's like from both sides of the fence and hope that someday, I can enlighten someone to the fact that we all are who we are. The good, the bad, the ugly. For better or worse. And as soon as we realize that the better off we'll be.

I still have a long way to go. But I've got my bags packed for this journey. I've got my hiking shoes on. I've got one hell of a support system of friends and family by my side. And when all else fails, I have my faith.

But I am ready to take on anything and anyone in this life time. I'm going to make damn good and sure that I spend less time focusing on the ngeatives in life and concentrating on the positives.

Because if there's one thing I have learned above all others since this surgery (sad that it took this major life altering experience to find this out) it's that I am a very blessed woman. And that life can be such a beautiful thing. Something worth treasuring for all the rest of my days. Hell, I have even come to realize that I too am beautiful and someone to treasure.

And that right there, M'friends... is in itself, a profound discovery. One worth it's weight in gold.

That said, I'm off to start my day. I've got my game face on- not that you'd be able to see it. It's hidden behind the smile that almost never leaves my lips.

Have a wonderful day, D'Landers. I know I'm going to! And just remember, miarcles do happen!

Simply,

Sara