Happy Again!
Bitched at 3:30 p.m. on 2006-02-19

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It seems like it has been eons since I last updated this diary. For those of you who read my updates on even a slightly regular occasion know that after being betrayed by a reader at work, I decided to shut down my diary and just let it go. But when it came time to do it- I couldn't destroy all the time, energy and heartfelt entries that had sustained me through so many emotional moments. So I pulled the damning entries and decided to just let things lie in limbo. But it's been sort of depressing without it. It was kind of like a staple in my life. So here I am, with the all empowering desire to return to D'Land. To return to my writings and be heard once again. However, for the time being, the writings will be written with great care and left to general thoughts and emotions. nothing too heartfelt or too damning. But very soon, I will be locking up my entire diary so that a user name and password will be needed to gain access. And then, I should be free again to write freely about anything and everything- so that I might share my thoughts with the people here who have come to mean the word to me openly, and honestly without worry of betrayals and their repercussions.

I am now 5 months pregnant with the twins. It has been a rather frightening journey, this pregnancy. I have lived every day with the fear of miscarriage after losing my first baby in June. And there were reasons to be concerned also. I started bleeding in the first couple of months and had to go off of work. It didn't last long and was deemed "normal". But then just as I was supposed to return to work, we got a hellacious snowfall and as I was walking outside on my porch letting the dogs out- I fell down the steps. More bleeding. I ended up off of work 3 weeks, returned for one and then went off for another week due to the holiday lay off at the plant.

Things were going well for awhile, but then I started getting pretty sick a lot. Not just the average nausea and tiredness. But dizzy spells that lead up to me all but passing out. It was pretty scary for me, and one night on a whim, I decided to check my sugar. It was 37. The norm for anyone is 80-100. It was way too low. So I worked on getting it back up and started watching it more closely. To make a long story short, I have been diagnosed as a "Reactive Hypo-Glycemic." I am not diabetic as diabetics have high blood sugar and mine runs low. It just means that for whatever reason, and the cause is still unknown- after eating, my sugar will plummet and I have to eat/drink to get it back up. But I have to do it carefully so as not to take it from being too low to too high and cause a shock to the system that leaves me quite ill and all but praying for death. The doctor thinks this might be a result from the gastric bypass surgery, but we're not positive. We do know that I must avoid sugars from like candy and what not and concentrate on eating complex carbs like rice, pastas, breads etc. that will turn to sugar during the digestion stage. Things that on an every day basis due to my bypass, I am not supposed to eat a lot of. (So that part I am loving!) ANd when I do get a craving for something sweet, I eat yogurts and fresh fruits. Natural sugars. But because of my condition, I was taken off of work until after the twins are born as high amounts of activity can cause my sugar to tank.

I had my ultra sound at the hospital on February 10th. For the weeks I had to wait leadign up to that appointment, I was anxious as any expectant mother would be. I kept watching the days slowly creep by, hoping and praying that the 10th would finally arrive. Well, it did. And no one prepared me for such a long, grueling process! I thought an hour tops- it took 2! 1 hour per baby. My goodness! It was uncomfortable as hell having to lie there and be poked and prodded by the device. She had to push pretty hard and sometimes in areas that left me lying there with harsh cramps. Not to mention, the twins didn't take too kindly to the intrusion and began moving about like Mexican jumping beans within me. (Another reason the twins are deemed affectionately as my "Beanie babies.")

The discomfort was worth it right down to the last second and the surprise vaginal ultra-sound that had me ready to scream. But I now know that I am going to be the proud Momma of a son AND a daughter. Spencer and Melody are their names. And I am absolutely delighted! I now know that I will get to enjoy the best of both sexes. As will Shawn. He was hoping right from the get-go for one of each. Well, he got his wish. I didn't have any preferences or expectations going in. Only that I knew I wanted to know what they were and that they were healthy babies. They each weigh in at 10 ounces... less than a loaf of bread. And they've started kicking within me. Spencer more so than Meadow. They're tiny kicks, nothing too annoying or painful- yet!

After the ultrasound, Shawn and I started our Valentine's weekend celebration. We left the hospital overjoyed and began calling family members to spread the good news. Then, he took me to the Olive Garden that had opened only the week before for the most divine lunch I've had in forever! When we left there, he took me to the Mall where he bought me a jewlery set. It has a ruby pendant on a gold chain, a matching set of ruby earrings and a gorgeous ruby ring. And the jeweler even gave me a set of plush puppies holding a felt covered heart shaped jewelry box. I felt so spoiled. When we left the mall, we stopped up to work to see friends and show them the ultra sound pictures before he zipped me off to the Sugar Beach Resort and treated me to a king sized Jacuzzi suit with a private balcony overlooking the bay. The room was fit for a King and Queen and I tell you, I felt every bit the part that night. We left there only for a nice dinner at the Outback Steakhouse before retiring to our suite for the evening. One filled with love, romance and a relaxing bubble bath for two!

The next morning brought even more surprises. We overslept through the resorts complimentary breakfast, so we checked out and headed to a local breakfast buffet before doing a bit more shopping. When all was said and done, Shawn had bought me a propane fireplace complete with a gorgeous cherry wood mantle. He and his brother stayed up until 5:30 a.m. installing it. It's absolutely gorgeous and works wonders with saving the furnace from running.

So things here have been going all right. The twins are growing well within me. I've been managing to keep my sugar under control for the most part. And Shawn and I are finally at a place where we can enjoy and love one another fully and completely again.

And for the first time in quite some time, I am happy again. Truly, sincerely, happy. I feel so blessed. Thanks for tuning in!



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Happy Again! - 2006-02-19