I had actually started my day off on the wrong foot. I was a bit cranky to say the least. I had decided to let Shawn sleep in a bit since it was one of precious few days that I needed to get him out of bed to run an errand, make an appointment or battle the crowds to get in what little holiday shopping we could afford. So when it came time to wake him up, heh! He wasn't having it. I instantly went from the beloved other half to everything but a white girl.

But I finally got him up and about. Then I showered and started getting myself ready. When I got dressed, I looked smashing if I might be allowed to toot my own horn. I had the perfect hair day. My make-up looked wonderful. And I was quite sexy! I looked hot, I felt hot and man... it was just hot!

We made it to our work Christmas party without a hitch. Dinner was fabulous. I won $50 in the 50/50 raffle. (Although as Shawn would be quick to point out- I did spend $40 on tickets so actually was only up $10. But I was up at least!) Everyone looked very nice. It's always a trip to see everyone from work all cleaned up and in clothing that has no metal chips clinging to it or isn't grease smeared, stained or shredded.

Shawn and I danced to one of the very first slow songs as another couple who are friends of ours requested we join them on the dance floor. We danced to one of the songs I'm not a big fan of- Lady in Red. But it worked. Shawn held me close, we danced slowly about. And he kept kissing me repeatedly. It was quite the dance.

We left early though. We had plans to cut out early with Don and Heather, the couple friend of ours to hit the comedy club in town. We've never been before. And I was a bit sorry when it came time to leave to have made plans to cut out so early- but we did. And I ended up not regretting it. Man, the two comedians were funny as all get out and we laughed for 2 hours straight.

Then Shawn and I went to the only 24 hour restaraunt in teh area and had breakfast before headed over to Bryan's house to hang out for a couple of hours.

At the party, I did manage 3 jell-o shots... woot. Knocked me right on my ass. I then sipped a bit of apple puckers. I was snookered in 10 minutes flat and loved every g*damned minute of it. LOL!

Shawn and I had plans today to work on some major house organization and house keeping. I haven't been doing much around the house with all of the hours I was pulling, so he agreed to help me out. I was in fine form this morning and went right to work, letting him sleep in- until 5 p.m. I was so pissed when he finally got out of bed. I spent MY whole day cooking and cleaning while he slept. And then, when he did finally crawl his lazy ass out of bed- it was straight to the couch to watch the Lions game. 'Magine that!

I called home today. Man did that take it's toll on me. Everyone was there. Both Momma and Daddy, all my siblings, niece and nephews. The only one in our family not there was- you guessed right, me! I got to talk to everyone but Daddy. They were all in high spirits chatting loudly, laughing, joking and chasing one another about playfully.

It was wonderful to hear them all having so much fun. It was a trip to hear them fighting and then chasing one another about talking smack. It really brought back some memories. But it also tugged at my heart strings something fierce. Becasue I wasn't there. I wasn't sharing in the joys of their family togetherness. I wasn't there to help burn the Christmas cookies, sing the twisted carols or lay the smack down with my sisters.

Instead, I was on the phone 2.5 hours away. Holding back the sadness and tears. Putting on my best "I'm so happy" voice so they couldn't know how much I miss them. How much I miss being one of them. And how badly I need to be one of them again.

It's this season that makes me wonder why I thought it would be so much better to move so far away? To a beautiful but foreign town where I have yet to make many friends, where I have yet to feel like I have made myself at home. Where when things are disturbing, ugly or just blah... I can;t go grab a sibling and hit the town. I can;t just place a call and tell them to come over, I need a hug.

Nope, I had to move away. And although there are a lot of good things that have come my way because of it- it's days like today where I feel like the lonliest woman in America.

I still haven't decorated for Christmas. No window clings, no holiday baking, no tree... and I'm thinking maybe this year, I won't bother. I just can't seem to find my holiday groove. Maybe I will yet, maybe I won't.

But at least I can take comfort in all that I am blessed with. No matter how up or down I am, I still have my health. I still ahve a body I am growing to love more and more with each new day. I have a wonderful, crazy family who loves me no matter where I move to. And I've got faith. Faith that one day, my emotions will even out and become balanced.

After all, it could be worse- much, much worse.

Right?!

simply,

Sara