I am so excited, anxious, nervous... words can not describe it all. Excited because I am going to see my family. Once again it has been far, far too long since we've all been together. And I really need my sisters right now. I little brudda and a daddy fix couldn't hurt either. And then theres always My babies! anxiously awaiting my return. I can't wait to get home. I'm anxious and nervous about the drive. I actually called homew to tell them I would try it on my own so they didn't have to go out of their ways to rendevous with their eldest (I may be the oldest, but damn it all if I'm not the childish-est sometimes) sister because of her travel paranoia. But Gena assured me that it was no big deal and that she and Adam would be meeting me at the half way point.

I'd have like to of cried. I think these days, Gena is probably the most compasionate. And the one who understands me the most. We have definately grown closer and closer. And I'm glad. Lisa, she understands me too- sometimes. I turn to her more for the "jaded" support. And for the times where I need a mother hen, oddly enough. (Hey! Even mother hens need mother hens sometimes!) By the jaded comment, I mean that Lisa has experienced love, heartache, desperation. So she understands me on that level a bit better than my very sheltered baby sister can at this point.

And my brudda? Well, he's just brudda. And that makes him special on taht merit alone. We're neither close or distant. We both love each other and are protective of each other... but we're not as close as me and my sisters.

And yes, I have a Mom and two more brothers... I am not very close to any of them. Not that I don't want to be... life just took us to different places. By the time my baby bros came along, I was moved out on my own and had moved north. And my Mom... well, we still ahve unresolved issues we may never clear up. I love her, I hate her. Le sigh.

This morning was nice... it was really pretty utside and as I drove myself in to work I was in awe of all of the lush, beautiful scenery. The green is finally coming back. Trees are coming to life. The air has that springy scent that always makes me think of laundry hung outside to dry. Even all of the cherry trees are in full bloom. God, that was a sight for sore eyes in itself.

I took a lot of deep breaths today. I think I'm beginning to get my bearings back. I just keep thinking that soon, everything will have all paid off. My break down will end. And I will be on a far, far leaner road to a healthier, much happier life.

Just not soon enough... but is it ever?

Simply,

Sara