Did I mention yet that Shawn quit with me? I was so flabbergasted that he would do that for me. Honestly. I was on cloud nine. Now, I'm on Cloud NEGATIVE 200 and dropping fast. I wish he hadn't quit. Isn't that insane?

but now, instead of one temperamental crazy bitch trpping out ever 5 minutes... there are two of us damn it! Now THAT my friends, is insane.

We've been fighting a lot. i think I scared the beejeezus out of my sister Lisa yesterday. Shawn and I ahve really been getting into it and I called her. I got her on the phone and all of a sudden i choked on a sob and went all sobby on her. I chjoked on my words and snot and tears. I heard the panic in her voice. But just talking to her calmed me down.

I've been damn scared lately. Surgery is soon enough, and now the worry is kicking into overdrive. The second guesses and everything along that line.

I know I am making the right choice, hell- it seems like the only choice. But I can't help but think... "What if I die?"

It's a scary thought. I even filled out my power of attorney forms that named who would become my advocate in case I was unable to be one for myself. That's when the reality set in. One in 200 people who have this bariatric bypass die. My doc is rounding the corner to 200 and hasn't had his fatality yet. In fact, he has a perfect record... soemthing taht in all reality should comfort me, but instead scares the fuck out of me... literally.

This has just been a bad couple of weeks emotionally.

Seen American Idol? I bawled. BAWLED! They booted George! As if! Now I threw my soda at the TV when they booted Amy and let that JPL freak, Camile, John Stevens through! But GEORGE? Oh my, my heart bled. He shoudl ahve been in the top three. Jasmine isn't even in the sameleague and she made it?! And don;t get mw wrong, i live Diana and will bu7y anything she puts out on CD... but is she better than George? NO! NO! NOOOOO!

So now my heart is with Fantasia. I want her to win. But America let me down this time. Really. Sadly, I can't vote since I'm at work and rely on TiVo. But I damn well can bitch. And if someone doesn't sign George? Then they're damn fools. George Huff, if you're out there I love ya baby! Keep singing. And I AM smiling for you!

And then, with all of that, I read the paper last week. HUGE mistake. i saw teh American Psycho on the front page holding a naked Iraqi on as leash and looking giddy. I won;t go there right now, but I am crushed. yes, he was a prisoner. yes, they've done cruel things. But aren't we there to make things better? And aren't we better than that?

I would have sent her naked on a leash in to the prisoners and locked the door, throwing away the key. But I said I wasn't going there... ugh.

Im spring cleaning at every chance. Today and tomorrow we have to be into town early for doc's appointments. But this weekend I got a LOT done. I'm happy about that.

Well, gotta get to bed. long day tomorrow.

Wosh you well all!

Simply, Psychotically, Emotionally...

Sara