People keep asking me why I want to have this gastric bypass surgery so bad. It�s almost a regular topic for conversation the instant it comes up. It�s a difficult question to answer unless you�ve got some time to sit down, shut up and listen. It�s not something that I decided on overnight- in fact, I took over two years to come up with my decision. It�s not an answer I can sum up in a few words either, my reasons go back almost 28 years. And for me to get into all of the various reasoning that I have used to back my final choice- there�re a million emotions that all try to surface at once and more often than not, I have to stop, take a deep breath and regain control of them.

People wonder how I can go through such a drastic surgery with high risk statistics (1 fatality in every 200 surgeries) and especially one that lasts a lifetime. I always have to remind people that that�s a lifetime I probably won�t have if I don�t have this surgery. Morbidly obese people have a high mortality rate. With being obese comes all of the other added health risks such as high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. I am lucky enough to not have those, at least not right now. But if I don�t act now, I could have. And most likely would have.

I am not ashamed of who I am. I don�t mind being a �Queen Sized Woman.� I always have been and until recently, always thought I would be. I wasn�t always happy with who I was� but I finally got there after years of soul searching, therapy and the unconditional love of the most wonderful family, best friend and boyfriend God could ever bless a woman with. Growing up as a big kid was always hard. School days were pure torture as we all know that children are the cruelest people. But I learned through other peoples ignorance about the kind of person I never want to be. I learned through their cruelty to appreciate the love and support I did have. And I also learned that I have one hell of a stubborn streak and a case of pride no one will ever match.

I got to be bitter, angry even hateful for awhile. But I realized that the person I turned into, was one I despised. So over time and with the help of my awesome support group (Family, friends, Shawn) that what other people think doesn�t matter. It never did. Though my soul searching, I kept thinking back to that line in the Bible where it says that God created all men equal. I thought about that a lot. I also thought about the book The Merchant of Venice where the one character talks about how he is no different because does he not cry like the other cries, bleed red blood like the others bleed. And then when I really got to thinking about things, I began to realize that fat or thin, tall or short- in any case, I am still me. And if people couldn�t like, love or appreciate me fat� then they sure as hell can�t were I skinny. Because like it or not, I�ll always be the same person inside.

Being big has its disadvantages. I mean, the first thing people think of when they see a fat person is that that�s the one person who sits home a lot with a bulk bag or Doritos, a can of lard and gallons of regular soda for a midnite snack in front of the television every night. They always automatically think we�re lazy slobs. Which just isn�t true. I get more exercise than most skinny people in all reality. I eat less than a lot of skinny people I know.

But being a big person also means that I can�t shop at The Gap or wear designer clothes. No Tommy Hillfigger�s for me. Instead, I have to resort wearing whatever the plus sized fashion lines put out- which is getting better, but by far isn�t anywhere near as trendy as they could be. I am not always comfortable going places where I know I might get stuck in seating that isn�t big people friendly. Stuff like that.

And soon, if all goes well with this surgery� that will all change. I may eventually be able to buy my first designer outfit. I may be able to walk into a restaurant and not have to worry about trying to fit into a booth that cuts me in half. And above all� I may be able to walk my dogs on good weathered days more than a block without gasping for air. I may be able to play a game of soccer with my niece or swim laps with my nephew and not run out of energy after a few minutes. I may be able to dance with my girls on a night out instead of sitting at the table watching them have all the fun.

And for once in my life� maybe people will stop judging this book by it�s cover and get to know the real me. The thin person inside of me who�s just dying to get out and show the world she�s got pizzazz.

With all the bonuses this surgery has to offer, health, happiness and harmony� how could I say no?

Simply,

Sara