Greeeeattt... not. The previous Thursday, I had e-mailed everyone who was anything at work about the problem, went into great depth, what I thought the problem was, blah blah blah. Apparently, one of the high ups in the quality department said that "there's nothing we can do about it". Well, when we're losing that much stock, there damn well had better be something we could do. So I e-mailed again, this time only to the highest guy we have in quality and asked if I could speak with him. He didn't repsond right away, so I thought he had left. (Being a night shifter, we don;t have the pleasure of being able to get with the head peoples, we just have to suffer) But lo and behold, he paged me from the office not too much later and came over to talk. I showed him what we were dealing with, gave him all the details I had, offered my opinion and he promised he'd have the forge people in to gander. And he'd get back with me. I dare say I didn't believe him. But he came thru. The forge sent a rep up today and they took samples... we should see some relief soon. Chalk one cool point up for Sara at work. And damn, it's about time.

When I got home from work, I decided I would forgo doing dishes or house work. Most of it had been done over the weekend and I decided to play on line. I haven't been playing EQ much. Signed on, tried to get to Ange's diary... no luck. Damn. Tried to access my diary. No luck again. Double damn. Tried to get e-mail. Not working... GRRR! Soemthing was wrong with the internet. So I played euchre on my puter 'til 4 a.m. and then went to bed.

Today, I got up early. I fixed a lunch, ate then dragged Shawn outta bed early. It is my friend Lisa's 24th birthday and I wanted to stop at Talk of the City. The local adult novelty store to get her something crazy, unique and special. LOL! Lisa is a great person. Down to earth, funny, real. But she has always been dead set against porn or anything of the sort. Toys included. I had to laugh, because as much as we have in common, I am the total opposite there. Anytime a girl-friend has a birthday, I'm buying them vibrators and the like. I got Lisa a tiny one called a life saver for Easter. I out it in her Easter basket with other more ritualistic stuff. Today, I got her a 10 inch vibrator. Its just a black wand, traditional style. But it had a jelly/rubber cover that looked like a veined penis with balls that slips over the wand. And it had a small thing of lube. The cover for it was a bluish-purple. Very pretty. When Lisa opened it, her eyes about popped outta her head. All she could say was it's soooo big. The boss was right there and he whispered, "damn, if she thinks that's big, she's deprived. I don't feel so bad." I laughed like there was no tomorrow. The cover was smaller than 10 inches, it was a normal size. Maybe 6, 7 inches. Her face was red all night. I WILL change her mind yet....

Work was sort of slow, a true relief. The fall out in stock wasn't there since we were into different stock. So that was nice. The weather had broke and it was a hell of a lot cooler. So I dind;t mind being there. Until... they told us we would be working 7 days this week. All the weekends and the lay off put us WAY behind... we're expediting. Which isn't cheap. I wanted to cry. Right now, the money will be nice. But I have rather grown fond, and acustomed to my weekends damn it. But what can I do.

When I got home, I washed dishes put a load of laundry in the wash, put the dryed stuff away. Let the dog out and decided to hit the diaries. As soon as I sign on anymore, I read Ange's diary, then write in my own. It's an addiction for me now. Thanks, Ange-Roo!

Shawn and I had a talk yesterday. He decided he doesn't like Dr.Vann, my head-shrink. I guess maybe I tell him too much. But I've never been a closed person. I'm very open and blunt. Some people fault and condemn me for it. But it's who I am. Dr.Vann told me I would have a nervous break down soon and end up in what he deems the "Nut-Hut" if I didn't do something fast about my situation. The whoke Shawn and his Mom deal. I quite agreed.

We talked for while and Shawn said he felt I was only giving the Doc one side of the story. But I feel I am very considerate of every side. Not that it matters, I am PAYING the doc to listen to MY thoughts and MY feelings... sheesh.

Shawn told me that he knows for a fact that EVERYONE thinks I am a bitch. And for once, it didn't hurt to hear it. I know I can be a bitch. I struggle with it daily. I don't want to always be bitchy and obnoxious. I don't know how NOT to be. And it always seems like people are pushing my buttons.

I thought about what he said long into the night and even more so today. I AM a bitch. No doubt about it. I am also scarred, hurt, bitter and filled with unfiltered rage. I haven't lead an easy life. That's for sure. But that's okay. At least I understand my feelings a bit better, and more importantly... I'm DOING something about it. I started seeing Dr. Vann. I made the first step. And it ay take awhile. But hopefully, I'll be able to ease the hurt, end the bitterness and maybe, I'll even find a way to SAFELY, release the rage.

But until then, I'm a bitch. Not proudly so. But it's me.

Take it or leave it, world.

I am nothing more, nothing less than,

Simply ... Sara