I have, however, managed to get some major leg humping and flirting action in on the guys. So that's been bonus for me. And I'm back moving around and nto sitting on my ass so my body is thanking me. I really need to start working out more. My arms are growing wings, my thighs are starting to puker and well, I have got new folds and flaps like nobody's business!

But I had to be awed with myself the other day when I sat down indian style. It didn't phase me at first until it finally dawned on me that I was doing it. I can;t remember the last time I was abel to do that. And I have noticed more and more that my thighs aren't rubbing together anymore while I walk.

It's been a real trip, honestly. You just can't know how truly amazing and emotional this journey has been unless you can experience it. I try to explaina s best I can, but even I can't do it all justice. There are so many teeny-tiny successes to go with the major mind blowing things that happen.

Like last night, I stood for the first time (rather bravely I must add. I haven't had the balls to do this since my surgery)in front of a full length mirror butt ass naked. I must have stod in front of it modelling in different poses, twirling and just staring in awe at this seemingly foreign body that is my own.

My thighs are at least half of what they once were. My arms also. My triple chin is now at one chin with a small protrusion. My ass is all but gone, and yet, I must admit, sexy! I have no weigt left to lose except the little bit of bulge left in my belly. And sadly, the once enormous bulge though disintegrating- is now in three small bulges that are going south for the winter. I'm a bit depressed with the look of my front, but at least it's not a whopping whale belly anymore. I now fit into a large shirt instead of 5X!

That still amazes me. Every time I do laundry, as I pull the clothes out of the dryer to be folded, I hold the clothes in awe that I fit into them. Compared to my old clothes, they seem like Barbie doll clothes. And yet, they do belong to me. I am wearing them!

And then, after spending forever looking at my body in the mirror, I leaned in close and looked into my own face almost as if for the first time. My eyes are much brighter and they almost dance in the light. My cheeks are stilla bit plump- especially with the msile forcing them to raise up. I smile almost non-stop now. My lips look lucious in their glorious beauty as they curl up ever so slightly with my smile.

I touched myself (non-sexualy for once!) all over. I felt the new folds in my flesh, became rather excited when I felt my collar bone for the first time ever, my shoulder bones... all so new to me. And yet, I couldn;t help but cry when the light upstairs came on and for once, I realized and truly know and believe that this body is mine. Despite all of the many life altering changes my body has been forced into- it's still me there. The features I now have I never did or were hidden before- now there to be seen and felt.

Looking into my own eyes, I saw Sara Jane... the very same one that was there before. I am morphing physically. But I am still the same me in mind and spirit. And that alone, was a comfort that reduced me to tears. Joyous ones of course.

I have had my moments where I prayed for death after surgery... where I wondered why in hell I ever put myself through all that I have. But those moments were few and far between and never lasted much more than a moment. How could they?

When I think about it... I have truly become a swan. I have morphed from being the self-proclaimed ugly duckling into the swan I had always dreamed of being. I am now the beautiful woman I always wanted myself to be but couldn't. But because of Dr. Featherstone and Mary Kay, I am me more now than I ever have been before.

And all without reality t.v.

I am a blessed woman in so many, many ways. And I swear on all that I hold Holy, I will never, ever again take life, this body, myself or all of the blessings bestowed upon me for granted ever, ever again.

Simply,

Sara