Tonight at work, one of the women and I talked about love. First loves actually. Man, did that ever take me back... care to travel back in time with me? It was 1990. I had just turned 14 that summer and my friend hooked me up on a blind date with a guy named Jesse. The best friend of her then boyfriend. Jesse and I hit it off. I don't know what it was, but that man was my life back then. I awoke every day thinking about what fun lay in waiting for us.

Jesse was one of those guys who would have hung the moon for me. He made me laugh like none other had or has since. He held me when I cried. he loved me at a time when I felt I was unlovable. He worshipped me. And I him. And in that summer, my life was amazing.

But then something happened to change all of that. We realized one day through talking the age difference between us. he was 19, I was merely 14. I don't know why it took us so long to figure it out- but it did. I was naive. hell, he must've been too. The friend that set it up had lied to each of us about ages and we had just taken her at her word. She just wanted us to work out so badly. And by that point, so did I. We decided to keep our mouths shut and see where life's paths took us together.

But then, the dreaded time came when my step-fatehr and Momma found out. My mom was not as irate as I thought she'd be. She had gotten to know Jesse over the past couple months andliked him. And I assured her that our relationship had not, nor would it escalate into a sexual one at any time soon. But Dre didn;t like it. And one hot as hell summer night, Jesse came to get me. We were gonna go hang out at the river and just be. dre stepped in and in his drunken stupor went off like a time bomb unleashed. He literally knocked Jesse right on his ass and chased him away- and out of my life for what I thought would end up forever.

A part of me died that night. Such a huge part. And I didn't fully recover for awhile. And then, a couple of years later while hanging out with a friend from another city- she mentioned this man she wanted me to meet. Knowing how dead set against blind dates I was, she somehow managed to rope me into saying okay. She talked him up in such a big way. And she had her heart set on us meeting. She said he was everything I ahd ever dreamed of and more. And the kicker- was that his name too, was Jesse.

Man, she couldn;t have been more right. Turns out that her Jesse, was in fact- against all odds, my Jesse! the very one who had been chased away by Dre with my heart in his hands. After a few days of serious chatting, we decided that we had indeed never stopped loving one another and decided to give it another chance. And man, did we.

It was like stepping back in time and finding that all you had thought, felt and wanted- had never changed. That was the next best summer I have ever had in my life. The second one I will never, ever forget. We lived each moment like it would be our last. But by the end of summer, it all started fading. I was still in school, he was graduated and moving on in life. As times changed, we found that so were we.

We were in different places, and once we realized that- we parted ways. This time, as friends. And of our own free will, thankfully.

I look back on those precious moments in my life. And I realize and am eternally grateful for how blessed I was. Not many first loves get the chance to go back and give it another go. Not many break ups like ours get the closure I was able to find and finally put my aching heart at rest.

And yet, no love since then- and I have had a couple... has ever been able to hold a candle to the way I felt for Jesse. he still holds a very special key to the doors of my heart. The "master key" if you will. He was the first guy I had ever dared to love. And though it failed, it set a standard for the loves to come in the years to follow. And although I love Shawn heart and soul despite any "issues" we struggle through, it's not the same love that I had for Jesse. Not more, not less, not worse. Just different.

I think that a person's first love, is the very purest love they will ever know. It will set the standards for those to come. It will shape the relationships that will follow. And try as you might, I don't think you will ever know a greater love. And the only sad thought in that lies in the fact that we are usually so young and naive. And because of that, our first loves most generally end up in broken hearted dramas. (Unless of course you're blessed by a miracle!)

I will never stop thinking about Jesse from time to time. I will never forget his laugh, his smile or his uncanny way to turn even the worst of situations into something laugh about later on. I will never forget the way his hand burned into mine, or how his kisses boiled my blood as it seared through my veins. Or the moment in time where we made love for the first time as a young man and woman- hellbent on sharing our passion for each other in the most intimate of ways.

But like all deep wounds, the pain eventually fades. You pick yourself up. You move on. Even though you hold a tiny piece of those memories burned into the walls of your heart forever, never to be forgotten.

Love has been my arch-nemesis as of late. My heart at a crossroads that only my decision affects. And no matter what choice I make, no matter which path I take- I will always have one constant. I will always have me. And all of the memories I hold in the secret folds of my heart. And no one or nothing, will ever take that from me. Not ever.

So this one's for First Loves and all of the bitter sweet memories it has. To the lost lovers who never found their way home. And to those of us who struggle daily to figure out where our love will take us.

And this one is for Jesse Arin ______. My "Moon Man". The moon has never been hung more carefully.

Simply,

Sara