I have to manage to get some sleep. I'm going to call in to work. I don't think i could get through a shift honestly. I have to see the surgeon at 4 p.m. Shawn has to be at a meeting at 8 a.m. and then he'll be coming back to get me for my appt. since they want him there. This is the last appt. with my surgeon. He'll go over everything one last time.

Probably after my appt., we'll grab something to eat. I can have food only until midnite tonight. then fluids until midnite tomorrow. And then... nothing. Not til after surgery and then, clear liquids until my tummy starts to heal.

My sisters will be here tomorrow night. Both Lisa and gena (bles their hearts) are coming up for the night and then will be going with us to the hospital to sit with Shawn through my surgery to make sure all goes well. They have to leave Wednesday night because Lisa will have to be back to work on thursday. Shawn will take Wed. thru Mon. off and my dad will be up for most of the next week to be here with me.

I started a notebook journal about this surgery and what i'll be going through. Some things just need to be put on paper. I am trying to capture every fear, every emotion, everything. This is a big, huge step for me. This is something that is going to change my lifestyle and even change who I am... forever.

It won't be a mistake. I know it. I feel it. I have made it through 28 years with no regrets. I'm not about to start now.

The way I see it, i cannot go wrong. I ahve lived a wonderful life. I have a great family and extended family. (Shawn's) I have had the love of the man who I was destined to be with for almost 11 years (this september already- wowza). And although it hasn;t always been peaches and cream, he's been good to me. he's loved me the best way he knows how and who am i to ask for anything more? Sure, I'd have loved to be married by now. but I know that when that day comes (July of 2005 if I have MY way lol) it will make it that much more speacial.

I haven't had babies... but I do have Cassidy and Carter.Tyler now and soon to be Ethan. Who although they're my niece and nephews, are partly my babies too. My sister has been kind enough to allow me to share in her joys. And for that, I will always be grateful.

I have a wonderful Father, who gave up so much to raise us. not because he had to, but because he chose to. One who replaced the biological sperm donor who left a hole in my life.

I have a mother who in her own crazy way loves me and I love. Siblings who have moved mountains for me time and time again.

I have never wanted for anything. What we didn't have in materialisms, we had in love.

I have been blessed. I will always feel and be blessed. And although things haven;t always been easy, I've survived. And I will survive again when it comes time to go through this surgery.

I will.

I will.

I will.

Simply,

Sara