Last night after work, I had to go to the Sleep Lab and be hooked up to some 30 odd wires all connected to my head, chest and legs. (Makes for a crazy midnight trip into the bathroom I tell ya!) I looked nuts. Then they hooked me up with this mask that fits up to a CPAP machine. The mask pushes humidified air into your nasal passages so if you happen to stop breathing (which i do when lying on my back frequently according to the last study) it pushes the air into your body and you no longer stop breathing. I guess I needed one notch below the highest setting for air.

So now, when i go to bed, I have a machine ($1500.00 for the machine and accessories! Thank God for good health insurance!)that I hook my mask into and have to sleep with it. I will admit that I thought that a snowball would survive a month in hell before I could survive a night with something on my face pushing air into me. I was wrong. The mask was actually very comfortable.

I just didn't sleep well. Not that the mask caused problems. I think it was because the room was rather toasty (I prefer a chilly room to sleep), I was uncomfortable and away from home. But now it's over. I have my machine. And I needed that to have surgery.

I took myself out for a chinese brunch while I waited for the therapist to meet with me about my CPAP. Then I ahd to rush straight to the hospital to meet with a nurse and the anesthesiologist. Monday, I have my pre-surgery appt. with Dr. Featherstone, Tuesday, I ahve my last appt. for my sugar. And then I also start my surgery prep.

And then Wednesday... it's Operation Dumbo Drop day. (My nickname for it. LOL!) This has been a long time ccoming. It's taken me literally years to gatehr up enough courage to embark on this journey. And I won't say that I am not scared. I am. But now, the fear is fading to the far outer corners of my mind and paving the way to a more successful life. One where I can be healthy, happy and free.

This surgery is not a sure thing or a cure-all. Not by any means. I will have to work my ass off to modify many bad habits and behaviors. I will have to work my ass of (pun intended) exersizing to enable my body to lose the weight. I know that it will not in any way, shape or form be easy. But I'm ready.

Oh God, am I ever ready.

I have never minded being a big woman. Being fat, obese, pleasantly plump... what ever you choose to deem it, has never bothered me much. It never stopped me from doing anything. Until recently. And now I am even battling diabetes.

I've travelled many dark and lonely roads soul searching. And I can honestly say i don't feel like I am selling myself out to meet society's expectations. I like to think that I am closing off the first novel of my life and moving on to an adventurous sequel.

I think it's going to be interesting to see the inner beauty, finally meet the outer beauty that has been lying dormant behind these rolls of flesh. I finally have enough faith and esteem in myself to shed the layers thatsheltered me, and I hid within.

I'm excited. I want to be in a thong by Christmas! Muah ha ha.

Simply,

Sara