I went and saw my surgeon and the nurse who deals with all of the bariatric surgery candidates. I must say that Dr. Featherstone and Mary Kay are two people who have put all of my worries at ease. Doc is a no holds barred kind of guy. He tells you like it is and if you don;t like it- tough shit. It's a "his way or the highway" agreement. I found this out when the subject matter came up to the fact that I am a smoker. No doctor is ever happy to hear that. He made it veryclear taht he will not operate on me until I have been cigarette free for 8 weeks. Yikes! That's no easy feat for any smoker. Especially opne like me. I have smoker for 14 years. I LIKE smoking. Smoking has been such a huge part of my life. Non-smokers will never understand. I don't ever try to make a non-smoker understand how gruelling quitting can be. But those who smoke or ever have know that smoking is as much a part of you after awhile as getting dressed in the morning. It's much more than a habit. I'm not proud of it. It's just how it is. And now, after 14 years, I have to quit. It's been hard so far. I have managed to scale back to 2 or 3 cigarettes a day. It's still nto smoke free, but it's a HUGE feat for me to have accomplished in a week. I'm telling ymself taht by Monday (2 days from now) I am going to attempt to go smoke free. No small puffs here or there. No 2 or 3 cigs. i ahve to do this if I want to be operated on. And I really, really, really wanna be operated on.

Also before I can have the surgery, I have to lose 10-15 lbs. Everyone keeps asking me why. That if I could lose the weight on my own, I would not need the surgery. This is true. However, they feel as though I need to prove my dedication. If I can go the extra mile and really crack down, then they know I am up for the challenge. Bariatric bypass surgery is no walk in the park. It's like making your way to hell and back i have been told. I have thought about that. I know it's got to be at least somewhat true!

That's why I am gonna quit smoking. People said I should just lie. Hell no! Smoking makes you heal slower, it also can incraese risks for clotting. No thanks! I want to become healthy. I want to become thinner.

I have been thinking... no matter what. Whether or not I get this surgery... which by the way, i was approved by the surgeon. I am in the final stages. the ONLY things holding me back that is out of my control is insurance. There are a lot of demands you must meet before you can be approved. my family doc might fuck me on this one. But no matter what- I am a new person regardless. I will always have what i ahve elarned thus far. And I am gonna take it and run. One way or another.

Simply,

Sara