I'm starting to get nervous and yes, a bit freaked out about surgery now. I go to see the surgeon the 19th. I'm scared to death that the surgeon will for one reason or another decline to do my surgery. That wuld not go over well. If I ahd to sum it up in one word--- devastation. I have finally gotten to the point where I want this more than anything. I ahve researched it, prayed over it and decided to do it. And to be denied now, would probably destroy any hopes for me, honestly.

Shawn and I just talked about it some more. He said he understands why I want to do it. I asked him if he were more comfortable with me having the gastric bypass and he said if it were him, he wouldn't do it. He was quick to add that I shouldn;t let that change my mind and I assured him it wouldn't. With or without his support (I'd much rather it be with though), I have decided to do this. I'm doing this for me! I can't stress that enough.

I got to the point after many, many years of being fat where I was comfortable in my own skin. I grew to love me for me- unconditionally. And now, I think the greatest gift I can give myself is this surgery. It's like giving myself a new lease on life. And a healthier one to boot.

Shawn is uncomfortable with the fact that this is a permanant choice. He says he thought what happens if some freak incident occurs and someone had to spend the rest of their life slurping nutrients through a straw. A possibilty? Maybe. But for me, a risk I have opted to take.

There's a support group meeting for people considering, having and have had the surgery locally the 26th. I'm going. I was even tickled to find out that Barbara Thompson will be a speaker there. She wrote the book, Weight Loss Surgery." It's been my "bible" through this whole process since I found out about it. So I'm geeked. I'm gonna call and reserve my seat tomorrow.

I haven't had a lot of readers out there lately, but to those of you who are- THANK YOU! And please, pray for me. This hasn't been an easy process and I haven't even made it through the worst parts. I'm gonna need all the help I can get!

But I'm gonna make it. I'm not leaving myself any other options. I am so ready, quite willing and able through the many friends, family and others who have been my strength. I am a truly blessed person.

Simply,

Sara