Shawn and I got into a small spat. There seems to be a lot of those as of late. Usually over whether or not we�ll ever get married, or if this is it for us. Or also lately, finances have become an issue. He�s frustrated, I am frustrated and neither of us wants to take the blame for the bills that there just never seems to be enough money for. It�s been rough. All too often I just want to hold him, have him hold me� and just stay that way awhile. In his arms, I am safe. There are no false pretenses, there is only him and I, and our love. In his arms, I don�t ever doubt the love we feel for each other. I can feel it�s power surging from his body into mine. We just don�t seem to hold each other much anymore� he�s always rushing off to meet his pals on his on line gaming, and I�m left to battle passing time alone.

Forever and a day, I have been bitching about how miserable I am. Someone told me I have 2 choices, I can leave him. Or, I can stay and learn to deal with it. That either way, the choice was mine and I had no reason to bitch. Yeah, well what if ya don�t like those choices? Whatever happened to compromise and meeting in the middle? But I guess that person was right. And as much as my head keeps screaming for me to leave- I�d be miserable without him. I do love him. And I know he loves me. Now, if I could just get him to be realize that it wouldn�t kill him to give up a night of on line to spend time with me�

Today is my niece, Cassidy�s 7th birthday. I called her from work today to let her know that Aunt Sara couldn�t make her party. She was so cool about it. She said she knew I had to work. I promised her I would come down soon and spoil her rotten. She said she knew that too. What a doll.

It�s hard to believe they grow so fast� 7 years ago today, I sat in a birthing room with my sister, trying to help her thru her labor. I don�t think I was much help. Except that I provided a solid neck for her to grab and choke� and I helped her laugh when she yanked the side rails of the bed right off� Mom joined us too after awhile when I could not calm Lisa. Mom was 3 sheets to the wind. Said she�d already started celebrating.

And then� before I knew it, there she was in all her bald headed glory. Cassidy Koryn. My niece. Cone head and all. 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes and a set of lungs that would deafen even Metallica�s biggest fans. That very day, an angel was born. Later to have blonde hair, the prettiest blue eyes you ever did see, sporting my nose and enough of my traits to be me reincarnate.

I lost my heart that special day 7 years ago� I gave it to the baby girl born to my sister who would become like a child of my own. She carries my heart in her hands� and when he arms wrap around me in the biggest bear hug known to man� All becomes right with the world.

Happy Birthday, Cassie Kory� I love you, and may your day be filled with dancing dreams and rainbows.

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A part of our phone conversation:

Aunt Sara: Hello, Baby Girl. Are you my Pie?

Cassidy: Punkin� Pie� The SWEETEST!

And don�t you ever forget that, baby girl�

Simply,

Sara