Not a whole lot of new things ahve been happening in my life. There just hasn't been a lot of time for that. I don't know if that's a blessing or not. Most likely, it is. I have started playing Star Wars Galaxies again. Man, what a trip. there are so many changes in the game it was like starting all over as a newbie again. But the one thing that hasn't changed- thank my lucky stars... is the people. I was delighted to find that my toons were still guilded with the people who make the game such an awesome experience. (Thanks, Guys!)

My weight loss has, as predicted- hit a temporary plateau. I'm a bit frustrated with that. I lost so much so fast taht I thought it would all just pour off of me as it started. Nope. Not for me. I have only lost a few more pounds in teh last month, between 2-4. It's driving me insane. I am now almost obsessively weighing myself. I try to stay away from the scales at work, but I can't seem to help it.

And these hormones of mine and I ahd a good talking the other day. I don't know what is happening to my body, but if something or someone doesn't give- I am going to go insane! I have these super sensitive overactive hormones that keep trying to tell me taht I need to be fucking someone or something... Christ, anything- 24 fucking 7. Which isn't really a huge issue except for the fact that that is so not possible! The last few days, I was raedy to hump on anything with two legs walking and breathing. And if ya asked me a few hours ago about the breathing part I'd have told you I didn't care nothin' 'bout that!

It's been insane. I'm trying to handle each day as it comes. That's all anyone can do really. And I refuse to hold myself to any higher standards than anyone else yanno? But I have been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking in general about life, my life, and who I am. Who I have become. Have I betrayed the person I once was?

And yes, I think in a way I have. But almost in a good way. I loved who I was before. I was happy with myself and all that I had overcome and all that I had achieved. I was proud. But now I wonder, how much of that wasn't just stubborn pride.

I realize now, how much of myself I have held back for so long. I have even found new aspects of myself that I have unleashed and want to share. I have attitude now. And my attitude says that you can either accept me for who I am, as I am- or you can piss off. You're either a friend, or someone down on their luck. Because it won't be my loss. It's theirs.

I've come a loooong way from the woman I was. I have evolved into a stronger, more confident and happier me. In that, how can I go wrong? It's amazing the changes I find occuring. Anymore, when I see a person of size like I was once (and still am to a degree) I want to reach out to them, tell them that their bodies no long have to be their prison and that they too can know happiness and peace of mind. But I can't do it. No matter how much I would like to. Because had someone done that to me, I'd have taken offense. It would have upset me greatly, and I'd have immediately gone on the defensive. And anyone who's a "plus" sized person, speaking from personal experience- has hurt enough. Their pain far suprpasses that of any other person I know.

So instead, I say a little prayer that they are given the miraculous opportunity that was afforded to me. The realization that dreams can indeed come true. And the enlightenment of waking and looking out into the world and knowing that anything is possible. If only you dare to dream...

And that, My friends, is the secret to life. At least in my humble opinion.

Enough sap for now. I'm going to go find a table leg to hump! Hugs and hand pounds, Y'all!

Simply,

Sara

P.S. I will renew my gold membership as soon as there is room on the card! Sorry that this site is a mess right now. Finances, finances. LOL!