With all of the complications and set backs threatening my upcoming surgery date, Mary Kay was worried that maybe we should bump my surgery date up a bit. I was devastated! I have so much invested in this date as does my family as far as juggling their schedules to accommodate mine- It�s sickening literally. Thinking about all of the coordination and schedule arranging and rearranging makes me want to vomit. Today, there was concern that my final sleep study results would not be ready in time. She told me if we had to bump the date, the next one would be August 2nd. That�s not as bad as I had thought, but I don�t want to wait if I can help it.

So I put in calls to the sleep study lab and to the sleep doctor and gave the number to Mary Kay who called me at work to let me know that they�re going to get the results set in time for my surgery. YAY! That was a huge relief. So now, the only thing left is to see if Dr. Quack will still give me a green light to have surgery with my sugar. Cross your fingers, friends. And please, pray for me!

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Okay, now let�s move on to the good stuffs, shall we? Remember that �high� I mentioned earlier? It�s almost indescribable. I think that for some time now, since there�s been a surgery date set, there�s been a sort of poetic tension hanging in the air between Shawn and I. We�re both on opposite sides of the fence really. He knows how much I want this surgery to happen so that I can get healthy and ultimately happy. And yet he still has his reservations. And frankly put, he said if they had told him he needed this surgery, he�d have ��told them to get bent.�

We both know where each other is coming from. And we both understand that. And in the end, I think we mentally just agreed to disagree on this one. But I know he�s nervous, hell, maybe even scared. I know at times I am. I�d be a liar to say that I haven�t been mentally writing my will, planning out who gets what and what type of memorial I want merely on the basis of what ifs. I�d like to think that that�s a bit normal?! And me being me- I have a tendency to use humor when I�m nervous about something. So without thinking about it I crack jokes about how he�ll be financially sounder should he get my life insurance.

But it�s been a bit weird lately. We�re both a little bit kinder, a little more observant and even a little more �hands on� then we have been in awhile. Almost as if we have been living the past week as if it might be our last together. And that�s not a bad thing, but it does make me think that there�s a chance that I might not come back� Nahhh� we can�t let that happen. That man is not getting out of marrying me that easily! Not if I can help it damn it!

This past week we worked together on all the remodeling. This past weekend we went back to bed just after getting up just to lie in bed, cuddle, make love and then cuddle again. We�ve never done that before! And last night was so awesome! We got home from work, and we both went out into the garage and started working on the bench I�d asked him to help me make.

We�re building a bench somewhat like a park bench. Only much sturdier! I told him that I wanted a bench no one had to think twice about whether or not it would support them. And they won�t! It�s very sturdy. Even larger than most. And it�s gorgeous! The one pole that supports the back is 6 inches higher than the one on the opposite side. On top of that I am going to mount a bird house that I started building last night. And when the sanding, staining and varnishing is done, I am going to get some fake ivy strands and wrap them around the bench and bird house. It�s gonna be gorgeous!

Shawn was impressed himself. He�s thinking maybe we could make another and start selling them! I�m thinking we could make some all right money at it too- at least enough to support our hobby. Wouldn�t that be awesome! And it�s something we can do together. That�s the best part really. Especially since it�s something we both love doing.

And I don�t wanna get my own hopes too high� but we�ve been talking about marriage a lot lately. I even drew up a potential guest list to prove that we don�t have to have a big extravagant affair. I was just under 100 people total. And I want a pig roast or some sort of BBQ wedding reception. We�re not the type for linen napkins and table cloths. I want my wedding to celebrate who we are and we�re not some fancy-shmancy couple. We�re just Shawn and Sara, two twenty-something simpletons.

He keeps joking about eloping to Vegas. We might could get away with that! Provided my Dad and sisters get to go too! But then that�s not eloping really is it?!

Til next time� keep me in your prayers, D�land.

Simply,

Sara