I have been thinking a lot about family lately. Mine is pretty dispersed and quite disfunctional. Not all in bad ways mind you. Just a bit crazy. Ha ha.

I've always been very family oriented for as long as I can remember. Very into family history. I loved to ask my Granddaddy about his time in the war. And my Dad about how my Granparent's were pro roller skaters. It's all intriguing for me.

The sad thing is, my family is very distant. My Dad's father died when I was 3, and I have never felt close to my Dad's mom. My other grandparents, I was extremely close to. I was very fortunate to ahve had many years with my Great-Gran alive and well. She lived to be 99 and was the sweetest, most story filled woman I ever knew. And my My Mom's parents were always around for a long time. They were almost like a 2nd set of parents. But even that changed over the years.

I know very few of my aunts and uncles. And the ones I do know, I don't know well. Most of them on both sides, live away from home and we were lucky to see them once a year at a gathering. As for cousins, I have 2 that I have anything to do with Chrissy and Joey. The others I never really got to know.

It's kind of sad really. Especially being with Shawn these past 9 years. He has a HUGE family, and it's VERY close knit. They are a very accepting bunch and never hesitated to take me under their wing. I am, in every aspect, one of the family where most of his relatives are concerned. And they are family to me in every aspect from his grandma, to his aunts, uncles cousins, Mom and siblings. They're quite a crazy, but very awesome bunch.

My Dad and I are very close. I think I got very, very lucky there. You see, my father is not my biological father. But he has known me since my birth pretty much. He and my Mom married when I was 3. I don't know my biological father. I would be lying to say I don;t wonder why we haven;t met or what he looks like, what he is like as a man and what happened that he was never part of my life, but... John stepped into his shoes and made sure I never went without a Daddy. He rocked me to sleep, held me when I cried, made me laugh, clothed me, fed me, and loved me no less than any other father loves a daughter. And I am a better person because of it. And I AM a Daddy'd girl to the core.

My Mom and I have never been close. I love her. I really do. Our personalities just clash. And she left my Dad when I was 12. We never saw her much for a long time after that. And she started a 2nd family and I guess I felt replaced a bit. It's taken years to move on and start building a new, strnger relationship. But it's a feat I struggle with even still.

My sisters and I, though we weren't always close, are pretty tight knit now. We had some scary, crazy, nasty knock-down-drag-out fights as youngins. But we outgrew it. For the most part. I am still a "Mother Hen" though, and they hate it. But I can't help it. They're my babies. I helped raise them, and I want the best for them. I have high expectations for them. And I am pretty protective. Very protective. Perhaps a little too much so at times.

My brothers, I admit, Im not as close as I'd like to be. Adam lives here in town near me. He is another one who gets to hear me bitch and moan when I don't think he's living up to his full potential. And I know he hates it. But I also think he relies on it a bit. As for Aundre and Aaron.... I am many years older, and I moved away when they were babies. So we aren't too close at all. It's sad to say that I get excited to know that Aaron even knows who I am.

We are definately a crazy bunch. I used to tease my Dad that we put the "fun" in disFUNctional. And I don't think I was far off the mark. For as crazy and disfunctional as we are, I love us. And now, we've got spawn. Muah ha ha.

My sister has a daughter and a son. Two children who are the light of my life, and who will one day most likely hate me for trying to "ruin" their lives. I try to call them as often as I can. I don't want them to forget me way up her in Mayberry. And I want them to know how much I love them and I think of them often.

Family means the world to me. Family is where we get our history, learn our cultures, partake in traditions. They are the people we share our most intimate moments in life with, the good- bad and the ugly. I wouldn't trade my family for the world.

We've shared so many good times and pulled each other from the bowels of hell.

And right now, I am feeling the need for a family fix. Thank God summer is on the way. I'm already planning BBQ's and bonfires....

The big joke in my world is that I don;t have a family tree. I have a "fruit" tree... one filled with a shit load of nuts...

But I'm a nut lover by nature. Thank you, God.