I was always told that 2 women living together never works. And by God, I am now a believer. I have made this my home, away from my 'rents. A place all mine own to shape, create and enjoy. And in doing so, I made my rules, formed some habits and b y goodness, people in my home should respect that.

Shawn's Mom doesn't seem to think so. And for awhile, I let her bend and break my rules, violate my privacy and trust. And take, take, take until she took all that I had to give. I have finally had enough, so I decided to let her know. I swore to myself that I was going to be calm and level headed. That lasted, what... a whole 2 minutes maybe?!

She didn;t want to acknowledge me, and when she did, it was to say "whatever" or to tell me I was being "petty." GRR! It's MY house. I pay the bills. And I don't think I ask too much. A lot of the rules I set, were rules I had when growing up. Don't wear your pajamas throughout the day. They're sleep wear not day wear. (Shawn's mom has a tiny nightie she spends 23 hours a day in. Sometimes 24.) Don't put uncovered liquids, foods etc in the fridge. They get knocked over and spilled and no one wants to clean the mess. (Shawn's mom ALWAYS puts her glasses of liquids in the fridge. And one night, tomato juice went sailing. Ugh. A mess) Don;t take money from me in any form, loose change, bills, pop bottles, etc. without my knowledge. (We are severely broke and sadly enough, I had to rely on my pop bottle funds after a week of house guests and parties to get me thru with gas, cigarettes, etc. She waitied 'til we went to work, turned 'em all in and used the money even after we point blank told her we needed them). And damn it, if your not working or paying the bills, help with the hosue work. It won't kill anyone to do some dishes.

These are just three of what I feel, small issues. Petty they may be. But they irritate me when ignored. I don't ask a lot. And I feel, that whe someone is living with me, not paying for anything but their food, they should be followed. Apparently, his Mom disagrees. And after I started teling her about it all getting to me, she sent me into fits of rage. I was shaking, I couldn;t breath and fuming.

I said what I had to say and went for a ride.. I needed to get away and I did. I went to Shawn's cousin's place who has become a good friend. Then I find out she's been bitching to anyone who will listen that we were out of toilet paper (GO BUY SOME!!) That we got our phone shut off (Like I enjoyed that! C'mon!) And I got more pissed. And when I came home, she started in again.

But now she knows how I feel. And she knows its time to move on. I feel rotten to my core that I have put Shawn in such a bad place... yet a little irritated that he hasn't supported me much at all. He just asks what I want him to do. Like he's helpless.

I don't know what I want him to do other than to tell me that I'm not being petty. That it's ok to be mad. That he doesn't hate me. That he loves me. But I attacked his Mother. So I imagine I will always be the loser.

And ya know, I don;t feel any better. I feel worse. I feel like what I think and feel have no bearing. That she will continue to drive me mad. That he will never validate my anger. And that until she leaves, I'll be miserable.

Thank goodness I found a shrink. Dr. Vann, I'll be calling. Calgon quit answering me long, long ago....