I haven't decided yet if this is a good thing, or a bad thing. Normally, it's not a good thing for my relationship. You see, I always look forward to holidays that I can celebrate my love and our relationship. Not that I need a holiday- but he seems to. He's a very emotionally challenged man. He's not adept at showing love, happiness or anything. Well, except maybe sarcasm. And if it gets bad enough- anger.

So I suggested that we go out for a nice dinner in our fancy clothes, maybe catch a movie (we haven't done that together since Bush Sr. was president) and then get a jacuzzi suite at a local hotel. His response? Why couldn't we just get some bubble bath for the house and he'd get me a porno?! **inserts expletives here* What kind of b.s. is that? I mean honestly. Here I am trying to go for romance and he stomps on it like a it's nothing. Men, I swear!

He always gives me some crazy bull shit excuse about Valentine's Day and Sweetest Days being "Hallmark Holidays." And I don't buy into that, but even if it were true- so fucking what? You know what I mean, Vern?

So yesterday, I got a bug up my butt. I had gotten up early of my own accord- don't ask me how as these early days to this mole are starting to scare me a bit. But I did. And we had made plans to go into the city and get hair cuts, I was planning to hit the nail salon to get my routine fill-in and a pedicure. And then today we would actually celebrate Valentine's Day. But he didn't get to bed until 7:30 a.m. and by 1 p.m., I was just itching to get something done. So my brain dusted off the "I'm up before noon" cob webs and started spinning it's webs of deception.

I got deressed in a rush, applied some make-up (I never leave home before doing that anymore. Wee!), I threw an outfit for later in the car and took off to his Momma's house. I visited for a bit as one of his Aunts and Uncles were up to visit his Mom- who is recovering well by the way. Then I asked Nicol to drive Shawn into the city later when she and Shane went shopping and that I would call her when I was ready for him. Then I set off for the city.

I stopped in to work and hung my well wrinkled mess of a shirt up and my pants and called to make a hair appointment. I then took orders from people for lunch as I would be going back there at about lunch time to get ready. And zipped off to have my hair cut and styled. When that was done, and the lady did one hell of a job I think, I stopped at the Dollar Store next door and bought a bunch of candles and some bubble bath. Then I zipped across the troad to the mall where I stopped at a shoe store and bought shoes to go with my outfit. And then down to Target where I got a sexy negligee, a card and a small Hershey's Bear in a cute outfit holding a pouch of Hugs and Kisses for Shawn. I had also planned to get a bouquet of roses and book over tot he Hotel and cover the bed with some of the petals... but that didn't happen.

Why not, you might ask. Well, that would be because Shawn was blowing up my cell phone wondering where in hell i was and could I fucking hurry because he was ready to just go home and go back to bed. So I flew back to work, took Frank and John some lunch and got ready. While there, Shawn called 3 or 4 times again. Argh!

So I abandoned all plans of getting to the motel to set up, I loaded my goodies into the trunk so they'd be hidden and zipped off to rescue Shawn from the Best Buy parking lot where he sat in Nicol's car and waited for me.

I got to listen to him bitch and moan all the way to the restaraunt. Luckily, I didn't have to listen to it all the way through dinner. Instead, he just didn't talk to me much at all. But dinner was yummy. Yay for that.

After we left there, I made one more pit stop for beverages before driving him to the Hotel. I went and checked us in and sent him to te room while I gathered my bags of goodies to take up.

Once inside, I made him wait while I went into the bathroom and set the ambiance by lighting candles all around the tub and starting a bubble bath for us in the jacuzzi. Ooh, did I fail to mention that I stopped at the Adult Toy Store in town and grabbed some goodies there too? Well, i did.

So I get into my lingerie, looking mighty fine too, if I may say so m'self! And I decide to turn the jacuzzi jets on to really get the bubbles going. Mind you, i didn;t add many after hearing the horror stories of people adding too much before accelerating the jets. So I thought I was pretty smart- heh!

What I didn't know and everyone failed to tell me, is that under no circumstaces, should you ever turn the jacuzzi jets on before the water is at the right level! You see, I did. And there was water everywhere. All the candles were xtinguished, my lingeree was drenched. And my mood- shot to hell like it was nobodie's business.

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day, eh?

So I relit the candles after drying them. Filled the tub more and figured I'd wait until we got into it before attempting the jets again and went to arouse him from his negative state of mind.

He liked the get-up I was in, an ankle length black spaghetti strapped thing with red lace trim and tiny red polka dots. But he wondered why the lower half didn;t have dots. It did, I had to explain that's because I was drenched. He laughed, and I- well I tried to curb thoughts of choking him right then and there.

But the rest of the evening went okay. He was asleep by 10:30 p.m. Imagine that. The one night it would have been nice to be a late nighter- he goes to bed early. And I was a bit bummed because he had nothing for me. I purposely left him the means to go shopping with Shane and Nicol since he knew I had up the holiday plans a day.

Nope. nada. Nothing. not even a card. ooooh-kay. So when he left this morning, I gave him what cash I had and offered up the check book in case he needed it. He said he didn't. So here's the thing. I saw his wallet. It's empty. He has very little funds and he's gone for the day.

I can't help but thinking he's not going to get me anything. And at the risk of coming off as a greedy bitch- I'm a bit bummed. I went all out for him, spared no expense- save maybe my pride.

He pretty much ruined our night save for an hour or two at best with his constant bitching and sarcasm. And then he admitted he knew what I was up to. And he still called to harass and scream at me?

I'm thinking, this Valentine's is over. I was planning to go out a bit further and have a freshly dried negligee on to greet him when he gets home from his business meeting and have a candle lit dinner on the table.

But now, I'm thinking I might indulge myself in a hot bubble bath. Call his cell phone 50 times just to leave bitchy voice mails. And then eat a nice dinner before he gets home so I can be in bed, fast asleep before he arrives.

Then again, maybe I'll call a "Rent-a-Slut" Service. Get me a hot and sexy hunk of man beef. One who would appreciate all that I do for a man. And hell, for what I'd be paying, I just know there'd be some romance involved. Fake or not.

So Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.

Yeah, yeah... bah fucking humbug, right?

Simply,

Sara