Especially with the way everyone's moods have been lately. Two friends, along with myself- have been having issues that are leading us on a venture seeking inner peace. Wondering how we got to these points we're at, which road to take not that we've reached forks, and wondering, just where these forks will take us.

For me, I have been having so many questions about Shawn and I, about the way my life has turned out and where it's leading, and where I want my life to go. More importantly, who am I?

How is it that we, as people, live with ourselves all of our lives. We know everything about ourselves better than anyone else. And yet, somewhere in the midst of this game called life, we lose ourselves. And we spend so much time trying to find out just who it is we are and where we want to go.

We buy self Help books, attend seminars, reach out to friends on line and off line. We do everything we can to figure out the answers we desperately need to know. Some end up spending years of therapy, tons of money, and a whole lot of time on emotional roller coaster rides. And for what?

Are not the answers we seek easily found just looking within ourselves?

Can it really be that easy?

My answer to that is yes! It really can be that easy.

I think we have lived our lives and have been trained to act, do and say all taht others expect of us. We are raised to think for ourselves, as long as we think within the hypothetical box called reason. We are all programmed from birth. By the people who raise us, by schools, by life in general and all the people in it.

We quit thinking about ourselves and for ourselves like we should, and our subconscience kicks in. We start doing things we're expected to do, we voice opinions we're expected to voice, we're raised not to kick up dust or cause a stir. We are taught from a very young age to play it safe. We're trained that we're emotionally fragile.

And i'll agree. Up to a certain point. But it wasn't long ago when I realized that I had become a clone to all that was expected of me. I wasn't myself. Hell, I didn't even know who sara was anymore. A simple question such as, what did I want to eat, drew up a whole slew of new questions. What will they want, will they want what I want? Can I do this without someone getting mad? If I wear this, will I look this way? Should I smile, or will they think I'm being a bitch?

And for the past 5 years or so, since I moved 3 hours away from my hometown, my family and my friends... I have had the pleasure of finding myself again. Figured out who I am. And you know, I really like me. No, I take that back. I fucking LOVE me! (In a totally non-conceited way!)

I think it would do everyone good to get away for a bit. I'm not saying to do anything drastic like move 3 hours from home and quit your friends and family. I just happened to have my road take this path is all. We saw an opportunity and jumped.

But I guess I wonder why we let peoples opinions matter? A lot of people are cruel to others to make themselves feel good. And they'll make an arrogant comment and we take it for way more than it's worth. And really, it isn't worth shit.

One thing I've come to realize is that God made us, each and every person. he made the world, and everything in it. He created the universe. All things were created by God. Now I don't know about you, but when I look out at the world, I see a hell of a lot of beauty. The trees, the oceans, the deserts... it's all beautiful in it's own way. It's all unique.

Well so are we! We are ALL beautiful. We are ALL unique. All created by God.

And we were all blessed with souls, minds and hearts. How can we go wrong?

I used to think that my life was one big miserable hell. Nothing ever went right. Nothing ever turned out. Everything was ugly. Everything just plain sucked.

Well, I stressed that to my insightful Dad one night when I had a bit of a temper tantrum and was still living at home. And he said something I'll never forget as long as I live.

I said, "MY LIFE FUCKING SUCKS!"

And he looked at me, his big puppy dog brown eyes full of love and in the calmest tone I have ever heard my father use, said back, "Your life doesn't suck, Sara. You're attitude on life sucks."

Ya know. He was right. And I try to remember that whenever I'm feeling sucky. Because it's not the world that sucks, it's just my attitude. And sometimes, I just don't give a flying flip and wanna sulk and be a spoiled brat. But I get over it.

And when I feel sometimes, like I'm on the outside looking in- it's not so bad a view. Because through that windown, I see all my loved ones happily going about their business. Because the world won;t stop for my broken heart.

With or without me, life keeps drudging on. And I'm too nosey to stay out of the loop for too long.

Simply,

Sara