Work has been going well. It's a lot different not having Tara, Renee and Ray around. I see them in passing each night when I arrive and they're leaving. I am usually ambushed by hugs and I think that helps give a nice kick start to my day. We haven't had too many major issues lately and since they haven' had a back up QC on nights trained in case one of us doesn't makeit in to work, I have been training gal named Julie to be that person. She's a riot. I'm glad to have had the chance to get to know her. We usually have each other in tears and stiches all night long, and that makes the night really fly by.

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I have noticed changes taking place in me and in my character. This no nonsense gal who refused to watch the news, wouldn't read the paper save for Dear Abby and the comics and of course, the crossword is now doing all of the above. I'm trying to become edumacated. Each morning, I have been heading up to the gas station for a soda, a hot breakfast burrito and the newspaper. Today was no exception. Except that instead of the local newspaper, I also grabbed the Detroit News and the Detroit FreePress.

I sat at my table until almost 10 a.m. reading through the news and trying to understand all that is going on. I'm stilla bit in the darkness. But perhaps thats just the way it'll be. My brain keeps trying to process everything, and all taht registers are negative emotions. Fear, anger, disgust. But I can't pry my inquiring eyes away. I just can't.

I am at the pont now, where I don;t WANT to go to war, I know that we're going to. And what I want and what will be are two totally different things. but I have also realized that I'm on the boat. And I'm in it for the long haul. We're going. There's no turning back. Saddam will not go into exile. We will attack. So I find myself saying, okay, what can I do? I AM an American, I DO fully appreciate my country, it's freedoms and all the soldiers now and past who have given their lives, time and risked everything to make the country I love, be the country that I love. I am NOT going to turn my back on that now. So my prayers are in overdrive. God, please protect the innocent. Please, God, don't let this war tear our country apart. God, please bring our soldiers back safe and sound. God, please don;t less this war be all for naught... and God, PLEASE be sure Bush knows what he's doing...

War is never easy. It puts a fear in me unlike any other. Will there be another terrorist attack? I have a man I love more than life and a 21 year old brother who, should there be a draft might be called. And then, I get so furiated, cause I express this fear and people are pro-war and of Bush knows best mentality say Yes, bring on the war. We must free Iraq, turn in the same breath and say... Yes, go to war, but Uncle Sam can NOT have my baby! Not my husband,wife, Child, Nephew, Niece, etc. It's those people who test my restraint 'cuz I just want to reach out and bitch slap them with all I have. Its ok if it's someone else's babies.. just not theirs. Heh. Every soldier has a Momma. Every soldier has a family.

And then, Front Page. The 182nd from TC was being shipped out. the Newpapers were there to get pics of families saying good byes and get their stories. And I'll be damned if there weren't anti war protesters throwing themselves in front of the trucks. Now, I'm all for the right to an opinion. You don;t have to be for this war. MI'm not ever "for" this war. However, there is a time and a place to protest. Here these soldiers are, possibly about to be deployed and on their war to a war, behind enemy lines, not knowing if this is the last time they will ever be home, and see their families. Babies and children were there saying farewells to Mommies and Daddies. They did NOT need to see that. Yesterdya must have been hard enough on those poor kids, and then to have the ignorance of those particular portesters make it that much more unbearable. I am disgusted. If I had been there, I'd have probably gone to jail with the protesters. I'd have been the one dragging them away from the troops and beating them senseless in private!

In 4 minutes the 48 hour dead line is over. In 4 minutes, all of our lives will change. Everyone. Not just Americans and Iraquis. This afftects the world as a whole. And we can change it. We don't have to like or agree with it. But we do have to deal with it. And even at 26, I'm not beyond crying and whimpering out into the night... "I WANT MY DADDY!"

Because I really need one of his bear hugs right now. I think the whole world could use a bear hug!

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Our Father, who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be thy name,

thy kingdom come

thy will be done

on Earth, as it is in Heaven.

Please give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our tresspeasses

as we forgive those who tresspass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the Kingdom, The power and The glory...

Forever, and ever, world without end.

Amen.