I was damn tired when I crawled into my bed this morning at the wee hour of almost 6 a.m. By this point, I could barely see straight, my eyes would not stay open and all I wanted was a decent days sleep. I even planned on being in bed early after having gotten up at 11 a.m. that morning and only managing a few hours of sleep. But such was not meant to be. I think most parts of me were asleep before I was even fully in bed and covered up. But man, did I sleep.

I awoke at 10:00 a.m. to the piercing scream of my celly telling me some rude person was calling at an ungodly hour. Couldn�t have been anyone I wanted to talk to because they�d have known that calling me that early for anything less than a life or death emergency would result in horrors they wouldn�t dare fathom. But I got up anyways to let my babies out for an early morning pee. Checked my cell to see who called- no one I knew� and indulged in an early morning potty break myself.

I crawled back into bed with two very grateful, relieved poochies. And it was a matter of seconds before I was out cold again. The next time I awoke, I remember being startled. Why, I�m not sure. Bad dream maybe. But I knew something wasn�t right. I tried to recall if the alarm had gone off yet and I�d snoozed it. And when I looked at the clock squinting against the bright sunlit room and my sleep filled eyes and I screamed. The digital clock said 3:22 p.m. That meant Shawn forgot to set the alarms. That meant we were late for work. That meant I was fired.

I hollered at Shawn, raced out of bed to double check t he clock. Indeed, I had read it wrong. But it was 2:18 p.m. and to be to work by 3 p.m. would take a minor miracle since I wasn�t dressed and Shawn still hadn�t opened an eye much less get out of bed. But we made it with one minute to spare. I swear to God that when my occurrences start dropping off this year, I will never again cut it this close. Not ever. C�mon March!

When I got to work we found out one of the guys had occurenced out. I was sad, because I know what it�s like to be hanging on the edge too. And I also found out that Hope stopped in to work today to pick up her last check. The people she spoke to reported that she definitely had a screw lose. She wasn�t even remotely close to being her usual self. I was so glad to know that she�s at least coming around to take care of business, putting some people�s minds at ease.

But she never came to see me. Still hasn�t called me. I�ve left her several voice mails. Done everything I can do to get in touch with her. I don�t know anymore. At least no one can say I didn�t try yanno? One of the guys asked me in the break room tonight if I was hurt that hope hadn�t stopped by to say goodbye or anything and I told him no, I kind of expected it. But did I?

I sat at the smoker�s picnic table, enjoying a cancerous �smoky treat� and thought about that for a while. I guess I did kind of expect more from Hope. At least a phone call. When the guy left the break room and joined me at the smoker�s table, I told him I lied. I was in fact a bit hurt. A bit sad. And a bit angry. They�ve all written her off. She said some very nasty things about Bean to her ex-hubby to take the heat off of her. He now says she�s not even worth spitting on. I wouldn�t quite go that far. Hope is, has always been and always will be� Hope A dreamer, risk taker, and a bit loopy.

* * * * * *

Last night ended up ending on an awesome note. Shawn and I went to the grocery store, loaded up with yummy edibles. When we got home Samantha and Nicol were there as they�d said. I was glad because I felt like just kicking back and hanging out.

I started dinner and they helped put away the groceries. Then we settled in to play a couple fo games of hands and Feet. A card game Shawn�s Mom taught us and I love playing. We talked and joked and had a good time. UI won both games. I have been winning that game a lot lately. I couldn�t stop smiling. I never win� usually.

Dinner turned out awesome. I fried up some boneless skinless chicken breasts, painted on a thin layer of sweet Baby Ray�s home style BBQ sauce, melted some Monterey jack cheese on top and added some fresh cooked bacon on top. For a side dish I baked some huge Idaho Russet potatoes and had melted Velveeta and bacon strips for toppings.

The Monterey chicken was mouth wateringly delicious! (A first time trial that succeeded) The baked potatoes were scrumptious. Enough so, that when Nicol couldn�t finish all of hers, she wanted to take it home. I was ecstatic. Maybe one of these days I�ll be an awesome cook. It�s something I am finding I love to do� sans the messes I tend to make. But hey, take the good with the bad, right?

And for those of you who wanted to know about my eye, turns out is is a sty. A very, very large one. Thanks for all of your well wishes. It�s much better now!

So despite the early morning heart attack, and the latest drama involving Hope... I'm doing all right. I'm learning to realize we can't control everyone and everything. Only ourselves. And I for one am damn tired of ebing blue so much!

Simply,

Sara