Although, it was snowing when I woke up. Not cool. Then I find Shawn's Mom stretched out in "her" spot on the love seat. (Yano, the one with awesome lighting and the foot stool I covet every night when I want to read). Still in her p.j.'s at NOON for the love of all things Holy. I realize that I was just waking up. Yes. True. However, I WORK! I work second shift, get home, fix dinner, stay up til 5 a.m. and sleep til 1 p.m. She doesn't work. Well, the definition is a push/pull motion causing something to move... so I guess you could call channel surfing work. NOT! God, I cannot stress how much that irritates me. Then she'll do dishes, leaving anything I might have dirtied stacked in a pile. Irritating! The woman and her youngest son live with us. She doesn't work, pay rent or even help with the increase of bills. Shawn says well, we did make the mess. As far as I am concerned, she lives here scott free while I bust my ass day in and day out not only to cover the bills I make, but hers too now. I dont care what she thinks or how she feels. But g'damn it, she doesn't work! It's been almost a year now. She should be my personal bitch! Gah! I said it! HA! I feel better. It's long since time for her to go. The welcome mat has long since frayed and disintigrated. My sanity not far behind. Never, I repeat: NEVER will allow another family member to move in again. I don't care what the circumstance. Nope. Uh-uh. Nevah!!

Ted called me. He's a friend from work. His wife is Tina, the friend I have with cancer who I have yet to go see in far too long. I just can't do it. For one, I ahve been sickly for months. Caugh, sniffles, bronchitis. Her immune system is non-existant, so thats not cool. Then, I have this fear that I will lose it with her right there. And she doesn't need that. Maybe I'm even part chicken. Bawk. Bawk. I know she's dying and it's rotten that I havent gone. I love her to death. I really do. Teddy says she's not so good. Found more tumors and the docs actually said they can only make her comfy. Ugh. There has got to be something. What about all that research?I don;t feel that they have exhausted every posibility. Hell, I lost my faith in doctors when they diagnosed her initially with pneumonia. Only 5 weeks later after practically dying from lack of oxygen did an ER doc notice the mass of tumors on her xrays from the 1st visit. Like, hell-fucking-oh! Uh. Teddy's been off work taking care of her. He's thinking about coming back next week. I think he's scared to leave Tina. And rightly so. Poor guy, he's falling apart. I would be too. I am in a way. Not like him. They are true soul mates. Im so full of anger and anguish. Poor Tina. Poor Teddy. I'm praying for a fleet of angels for those two. Don;t let me down now, God. Please!

Today was my first day of being a peon at work. A few people couldn;t resist getting their digs in. But I took it all in in stride and I must say I am pleased with myself. The boss gave me an easy, boring, monotonous job. I was going crazy. But time went fast and most people were just themselves about the whole thing. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Tomorrow, there throwing me on the Honda Accura I.L. dial. It's a slower, more in depth machine. I'm looking forward to it. But man, I can tell I haven;t been a peon in awhile. My left hand is throbbing like you wouldn't believe from all that gripping. Aand dirty! My goodness. My pony tail was streaked with grease and I looked like an ashen ghost of myself. I hit the shower first thing tonight. I have never wanted to get clean like I did tonight. I was awed as I washed my hair and watched the black ooze swarm about ym feet then wash down the drain. My brand spanking new white wash cloth was grey. Have mercy!

I got my book back. Happy happy joy joy! I took it to work last wednesday or so and forgot it then it disappeared. The boss found it on his desk today. I hope they enjoyed it. I sure was peeved when it turned up missing. I tore the shop upside down. It's the book: The Last Don, by Mario Puzo. I picked it up for a quarter at a thrift store after having read his book The Family. Man, was that good. So I have been a reading food.

Been playing EQ a lot lately. Finally got my enchanter to 57. 60 used to be the level cap, but 65 is now since the latest expansion. I am starting to get hooked on the game. But am being careful as to not fall into the EQ is my life routine again. I stop myself by 4 a.m. and am in bed by 5 a.m.

It snowed quite a bit tonight. The roads were rough coming home, but we made it. I had anxiety attacks the whole way home. And I wasn't even driving. I won;t. I can't. I hate that I have these attacks. And every winter I drive a little more. I doubt I will ever be able to drive like a normal human. Shawn handles it like a trooper for the most part. But I am careful to get all my shopping done at once and never ask him to take me and pick me up places. We live 30 + miles out of town and I don;t want to become a burden. Towards the end of the winter he gets a little upset. But usually spring is right around the corner. And we work together. The only true blessing in taht respect.

Well, almost bed time. Better go let Chewbacca Lynn have a romp in the snow before bed.

Good Night!

Sara